I was there in God’s heart.
It was not that I imagined myself there. It was not that I brought myself there. Rather, I awakened to that reality that I was already there: had always been there, would always be there.
I was there in God’s heart with Everything. All the people I have ever loved. All the people I thought I lost. And I felt my boundaries being slowly absorbed, the things that comprise me preparing to return to the source they began in.
My own heart was like God’s heart: Deep calling out to deep.
And also, my heart was God’s heart. Somehow they were the same thing, and impossibly, I was swimming there, within my own self, and in that me, a homunculus-clone within, there was a heart, and that inner heart that was also God’s heart: so it continued, an infinite regress. Turtles, as they say, all the way down.
It was delicious and it was too much. Almost like a mango. Almost terrible. I am thinking about the original meaning of the word ‘awesome.’ I am thinking about what it means to fear God.
And as I get further away from it, my memories seem to re-convey the experience with increasing duplicity, and my awareness grows that words are such tiny little containers to try and cram Truth into.