Turtles, Mangoes and Hearts

I was there in God’s heart.

It was not that I imagined myself there.  It was not that I brought myself there.  Rather, I awakened to that reality that I was already there: had always been there, would always be there.

I was there in God’s heart with Everything.  All the people I have ever loved.  All the people I thought I lost.  And I felt my boundaries being slowly absorbed, the things that comprise me preparing to return to the source they began in.

My own heart was like God’s heart: Deep calling out to deep.

And also, my heart was God’s heart.  Somehow they were the same thing, and impossibly, I was swimming there, within my own self, and in that me, a homunculus-clone within, there was a heart, and that inner heart that was also God’s heart: so it continued, an infinite regress.  Turtles, as they say, all the way down.

It was delicious and it was too much.  Almost like a mango.  Almost terrible.  I am thinking about the original meaning of the word ‘awesome.’  I am thinking about what it means to fear God.

And as I get further away from it, my memories seem to re-convey the experience with  increasing duplicity, and my awareness grows that words are such tiny little containers to try and cram Truth into.

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